one of the many reasons i love tempe.

*these last two posts have been ready to post for awhile, but i forgot about them. poop. so rewind back to 11/25 when i intended to post this!*

tour de fat comes every year to promote bike riding instead of jumping in your car for every little errand. that's a cause right up my alley & i can't wait till i can start riding my bike more. i had to stop riding at the end of april because my legs kept knocking my belly!

*side note* we have some amazing friends. the oklahoma apes of wrath (bryan's college ultimate frisbee team) & the never mrs. went together & got us a gift card to rei so we could purchase a bike carrier!! we ordered it & that post is coming soon. you guys rock!

i love fat tire beer & i love bikes & i love parades that i can participate in -so it's a totally fun event.

our phx. frisbee friends always join in on the fun & step it up a notch with costumes. this year dixon, always the instigator decided upon pirate. rrrrrrrrrrrg. some people even did their bikes up with sails!

heres'a picture with dixon (the official eject button pusher, if you'll remember back in june!) bryan & finn.
getting mauled by some of my lady friends. my costume was lame. next year.
& hopefully by then my mama gut will be gone too!

rggg, mama. rggg.

crazy mirror.
we borrowed the chariot from our friends bob & michelle to try it out. WE LOVED IT. finn was quite the trooper staring at the clouds, snoozing & more staring at the clouds.

i pulled finn during the parade & that thing is a bit difficult to maneuver & it's hard to get going, but a great work-out! but, did bryan get a picture of that... nope. he didn't. feel free to yell at him about taking more pictures of finn & i together.
hands down this is one of the more fun things to do with your child. i'm trying to convince a couple of my friends with kids here to get one so we can all go riding together.

play date number 2

*this was forever ago!!!! finn couldn't even sit up yet.*

my friend jen called & asked if i wanted to go to the kid's museum in mesa with her. she said it's a life saver in the summer time... fun in the ac!

jen is a fellow photographer & mother of two cute kiddos: evan & leah. both were born at home like finn with the same doula, leigh!!!!! jen & her husband eric had us over for dinner when we were trying to decide if home birth was right for us. eric's perspective was especially helpful to bryan i think. i was sold & ready to sign on the doted line but, bryan had reservations & eric's testimony was pretty solid. thanks guys!

jen & evan.
finn is assisted by the wavy pads.

and here i've stuck him in a hole so he can chit chat with that cute red head in the mirror..
it's such an amazing process to watch a baby turn into an infant. one that has desires, like gimmy that passy or i know that boob is around here somewhere if i keep muzzlin around i'll find it!

he was fascinated with himself. can you blame him? it's hard to be this attractive!
cute leah munching on the wall, yummmm.

monsters!

thanks jen it was a lot of fun!!!!

sad doesn't begin to describe it.

:: this was written on 10/10/09 but i wasn't sure i wanted to share it. for some reason, i'm ready to ::

i accepted my first call for nilmdts last night. i've been on maternity leave since i found out i was pregnant (i thought it rude/insensitive for me to show up with a big belly) & i hadn't found the courage to get back into it. but the nurse called & said she'd been calling the list all day & couldn't find anyone, the child was born early in the morning & she was just getting ahold of me at 7:30pm. bryan had finn & they were grocery shopping, so i told her i'd be there within half an hour.

i arrived a mere 5 minutes after he passed away.

nilmdts stands for now i lay me down to sleep. it is an organization of volunteer professional photographers that go to hospitals and take photographs of babies that aren't going to make it. we provide them with all the pictures on a disc in hopes that our photos help them heal, by remembering their sweet baby was real. not a figment of their imagination, since most of them only get to share a few short hours together.

i applied several months before i got pregnant with finn. i thought i would be perfect for it. i'm sensitive enough (but perhaps too sensitive) and i didn't have any children so it wouldn't be so scary and real to me. now that i'm a mother it's ten times worse doing one of these shoots. i quietly sobbed the entire session. i was with them for almost 2 hours last night. taking photos of their grief. this was why i didn't want to be a journalist. my camera wasn't made for this kind of assignment... my heart can't take it. the only reason i'm doing it is that they request it. they want us to be there- as hard as it is & as hard as it's going to be for them to look at the photos later they want it. they need it.

surprisingly, i was able to focus on them the entire shoot- my mind didn't wander to finn until the moment i left the hospital room & was heading for the parking garage. the urgent manner in which i arrived, trying to get there before he died was nothing compared to my need to get home & kiss my baby who would be already asleep, safely in his bed.

i cried on the way home. i felt so empty. i don't know if it's survivors guilt or what but i just can't figure it out... why were we given such a blessing- a healthy, beautiful son & so many others are stripped of that pleasure? why was this little boy only here for less than a day?

i'm not sure why nor will i ever understand.

but i'll never go a day without thanking god for giving us the chance to be parents.

christmas...

was awesome. finn sat on santa's lap & screamed his head off. he received lots of awesome toys! wooden teething rings & stacking blocks from aunt jody, some awesome spanish speaking maracca's from nana, and so many more that he will enjoy playing with once we get back home.
i'll post lots more about that later in the week.

but, i wanted to post some adorable pictures of our sweet boy on our way home to ky. sometime during the flight (bryan claims he saw this the day before) finn learned to stick his tongue out & he had us giggling! it was adorable.

he is still such a good traveler, definitely getting fidgity-er, but pleasant the whole time. he slept for most of the 1st leg & was awake the majority of the second.

relaxing with his passy.

gnawing on it was more fun.

& then blowing raspberries is lots of fun.


there it is... the tongue!!!! he totally gets this from me. when i'm concentrating on something i always stick my tongue out. have since i was little. my auntie said that i would stick my tongue out and move it side to side while i colored. it's a sign of genius, what can i say? he's thinking of how to dive for his passy on his daddy's lap.

that little puft of hair on top sometimes reminds me of one of the three stooges, right? or am i thinking of someone else, some comedian?
too stinken cute.
tehee.

where did it go?

he has also mastered the fishee face but i've yet to capture that on film.

such big beautiful eyes you have my child.

cuddling with papa.

i love, love, love this one. i might get a ginormous canvas of it for my office.

happy new year!