finn & i flew home last week for al's funeral. it was incredibly sad. i'm so very grateful that i was able to go. i have closure now- when i think of al i'm no longer sad or even mad, but relieved. he's better. he's no longer hurting. i'm also incredibly grateful for sarah having driven all over the south to go to both funerals. she'd already planned to go to the tn one & then drove another 5 hours so we could go to the ky one together. you're an amazing best friend.
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so, we just got back from church. got our ashes on. even finn. it's pretty stinken cute & that's something i've never thought of before when it comes to this practice.
tonight was nice. i was at peace.
my religion & my faith have been battling it out my entire adult life, so moments like earlier are pretty rare. i truly enjoy going to our church, the newman center, which was run, until recently, by the dominican order. the choir is heavenly. father thompson is genuinely a NICE guy. father fred, who unfortunately was basically asked to leave by our arch bishop, was amazing. he made us love being catholic. he started a support group for the college kids that were homosexuals- which is one of my biggest beefs with the church.
i'm sure many of you have wondered if we're ever going to baptize finn & we wholeheartedly plan on it, but we're wanting to figure out if we're sticking with catholicism or converting to episcopalian or something entirely different.
i don't think i can (or want to) remain a catholic while picking & choosing what i agree with. i mean, my issues are... rather large ones... you see.
:i am pro-choice. i would never want to make that decision for another woman. NEVER. ever. it ain't right. i don't really agree with abortion- but what my neighbor thinks is right for her is her CHOICE.
:i think a person should marry whoever in the hell they want to. be it man or woman. if you're lucky enough to find someone that you like enough to get over the stuff you don't like, sheesh, why get in their way?!
:i know some amazing women. and they would be kickass priestesses. catholicisim and their archaic beliefs buck major heads with my feminism.
other than that -i love being a catholic. well, the whole guilt thing is obnoxious...
but i do believe:
:in being kind to your neighbors.
:loving/helping the unlovable, whether it be the poor, mentally ill or a republican ;)
(kinda just kidding.)
:in god.
:in forgiving.
:in life after death.
:that the purpose of our lives is to be happy & good & hopefully find love along the way.
so back to my point, at church tonight, everyone was singing, i had the sleeping finn in the sling, bryan's arm around me & my eyes closed. it was nice. everything washed away. i was thrown back to my highschool self where i believed 100% in catholicism. i miss that. i'm not really enjoying this limbo world i'm in. but i don't really like this world of extreme religiousness either. my friend, al, was dealing with just this issue -but on a much deeper, more painful level.
somehow- i know. hope. wish. --- insert verb here----- it didn't have to be such a difficult issue.
why does there have to be one religion? that's right? & everyone else is wrong? why do the different religions have to dislike or even hate the others? muslims... are nice people, but even my cousin said she was afraid of them. that statement is like saying you're afraid of catholic priests. the actions of a few ruining it for the rest. why can't they have their beliefs & we have ours & somehow we manage to co-exist. i <3 that bumper sticker. ruth, do you still have it on your car? it's a beautiful idea & i'll keep holding onto it.
for this sweet little boy's sake.
*matilda. finn wanted me to tell you that he is so GLAD you're okay.
