for finn's first christmas. i don't think it's hit me yet. i have a child. i have a family & we are about to experience our first christmas together. cRazY!
when did i turn into a freaken grown-up?
kay, now that i've realized that i'm going to complain about it, please forgive me.
i seem to have been thrusted into this world of responsibility, it's at times overwhelming.
it at times even makes me resentful. bryan is wonderful... truly he is. that babe is with him from almost the second he walks in the door until i nurse him to sleep. he helps with dishes, the laundry, the trash... all of it. if i've been lazy & haven't washed out the cloth diapers he even does that for me too. but, there are so many things he doesn't even think about & that nags at me. why is it that mothers carry the burden of most of the chores? this post has been rolling around in my brain for about a week now. i've longed to get out by myself, for shopping or a movie... just something & when i can't because i have the luxury of being a stay at home mom, basically & my babe is attached to me almost 24/7 which I LOVE... don't get me wrong, but damn it to hell i wanna be just me every once in awhile, ya know? i want a break which doesn't include shooting a portrait session or a shift at rei.
this post was even more dramatic in my mind until i read a post on a blog that i frequent. i adore her. nici holt cline. she is such a strong, beautiful woman & she has spent nearly the first two weeks of her brand new daughter's life in the hospital while she battles & kicks the ass of the strep pneumonia that has settled in her little lungs.
reading her updates just about stopped me in my tracks.
hell yeah i'll change that poopy, nasty diaper. you need me to tickle your little neck again, no problem. you wanna fuss when i need to finish burning some cd's for clients- okay i'll take a break. you need me to swap out your 3-6 month clothes because they're strangling you, i can do that right now. i'll do anything you need me to sweet little boy and i'm happy to do it.
this christmas season- i need to not stress about making sure the grandparents get plenty of finn time or that we remembered presents for everyone, or filling up the calender with everyone we want to see... i need to not stress. what i need to do is relish in the fact that we are fortunate enough to go home & spend this special, special time with our family. that we are fortunate enough to buy presents for our loved ones. to have food, excessive amounts of food on our plates. the luxury to buy rolls of wrapping paper (we don't but...) for $5 dollars to wrap our $30 present to be thrown away. not everyone is that fortunate. not everyone is that lucky. i need to remember that & those less fortunate.
i wish you all a wonderful holiday & a happy new year. forget the stress & remember how lucky you are!
1 comment:
Megan-
I know how you feel about wanting some "me" time, even while realizing how lucky I really am. Thanks for posting how you feel (you are not alone!), as well as the great reminder to not stress about the holidays. I read the blog you mentioned too and teared up. I cannot imagine.
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