sad.

tonight we're filling out the forms for skye's surrender. that's what the the weimariner rescue calls it. they've asked for some pictures & so i'm going through the years we've had her. i started to tear up. are we doing the right thing? we've committed to it. but we committed ourselves to her too. she'll be much happier in a home that gives her the attention & discipline she deserves. i keep repeating that. we travel way too much for her to be thrown on other people. kylie is a different matter completely. she's gentle & easy. skye is high maintenance. skye is a pain in my butt. but i kinda like her too. she's funny & sweet & beautiful. you won't find a prettier dog. she's fast & clumsy & that goofy grin of hers will make you laugh even if you're pissed off at the world. but lately- i'm just annoyed with her.


as i was getting all sentimental just now, she barks like a maniac at someone outside walking by the house. i jump up & run over to her & say in a deep voice SKYE. hush. go. get in your cage. the baby's sleeping.

i feel like that's all i ever say or

no... gentle. finn be gentle. don't startle skye- you know what happened last time you did that.

it's sad to say good bye to a member of this family. but we'll all be better off when she's with a more appropriate home or will we?


we'd probably just get through it, like they did in marley- right? but, she's snapped at finn. left a mark, didn't bite him- but snapped. she growls randomly- other times she lets him hug her tightly around the neck, or grab onto the stump of her tail. it's me holding my breath anytime they're near each other- which isn't all that often. i lock the gates & they're on opposite sides. or the dogs are outside or skye's in her crate. but, i just don't want to live life like this anymore. annoyed, timid. finn will get bigger & act more maturely around her, but then we'll have another babe about then & we'll go through it all over again. skye should be the attention of someone's universe. someone without kids- so she can be their baby.

i wonder how long i'll carry the guilt once they've found her the perfect home?
i wonder if i'll sigh a breath of relief & get over it quickly?