yesterday i about lost my mind. it'd been a long day & finn was screaming in his bed that he didn't want to take a nap or rest. (he naps about every other day now.) i was going to let myself off the hook & he was going to cry himself to sleep. i was trying to prepare myself for his cries waking maya up. i called my mom to help me off the ledge. she said, ya know meg, you're always talking about how maya is such a great baby & how wild finn is. maybe he's hearing you.
time paused. all the conversations i've had in the past two months that were about finn flashed through my brain.
he's such a good kid. i adore him. even underneath all of the annoyance i might feel.
but he whines. lord, does he whine. he's obsessed with complaining about something hurting. my tummy hurts. my back hurts, etc. he adores his sister, but now that she can crawl & it's usually straight to him & his cool lego fort or newly built train track he's learning to deal with that frustration & occasionally it ends with her crying.
he doesn't eat... & it's downright difficult to get him to try anything new or even remotely in the veggie category. (i know these are not unique situations. we all face this with our toddlers.)
my patience with him is short. has been for several weeks (err maybe longer) now. i think it is escalated by the fact that maya is an incredibly easy child. she just wants to suck on her passy & laugh. she's a mama's girl through & through. he's a mama's boy & so there are some obvious issues.
yesterday i dropped maya off at my dear friend melissa's. finn & i needed a date. just the two of us. he's been especially whinny & clingy since i was in new york for 5 days with maya. totally understandable & even sweet. (on day 3 i talked to him on the phone & he said 'mommy i miss you. you get on a plane & come home!'
we went to our favorite bookstore changing hands & built a really cool train track. we had the place all to ourselves for maybe 25 minutes. i let him play uninterrupted & was there to play with when he wanted & watched when he wanted to do his own thing. then we walked down the street to share an ice cream cone. rainbow sherbert. it was delicious & he was awesome- i'd ask is it my turn yet? & he'd say sure!
i'm going to have to do this more often. for sure. it's nice to go back to that life... with my attention solely focused on my first born. my wild child.
i just read this article in bamboo family magazine & it made me reflect a little on our relationship. i want him to be able to come to me about anything. i don't want him to feel that i'm annoyed with him or frustrated with him. (even if i am.) i need to find a way to be more patient & understanding. these days are going too quickly & i'm missing it because i'm trying to cram in too many errands, too many projects.
i think one of my biggest issues that i can work on to help our lives be more relaxed & fun, is slow down & prioritize. don't send one more email before i leave for bootcamp. we're going to be late & i'm going to rush finn & he likes to take his time. i need to be careful about squishing his sweet demeanor.
i'm also going to turn the computer off. that way there are no temptations. i can turn it on twice a day to check work emails. and once for facebook (lord give me the strength :).
this parenting thing isn't easy. most days it's a job i enjoy. most days it feels like a pleasure to raise these little people. some days it feels down right impossible to keep a calm voice & be rational. i'll keep trying though. & hopefully i'll get better at it.
happy week to you.
No comments:
Post a Comment